i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
