we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just gargled with NyQuil
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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