That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
