i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
