I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
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No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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