I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
