meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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