Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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