Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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