Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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