Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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