dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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