woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
