I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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