That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
