Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
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After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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