I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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