Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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