He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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