his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
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I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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