i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
