a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize