...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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