Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
