if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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