just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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