Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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