I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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