You're so nebulous sometimes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
