Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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