2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
