and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize