she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
