I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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