Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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