I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
