I'm lost and stupid without you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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