the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
