They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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