Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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