so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
