Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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