never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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