So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
