im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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