dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Please, let me fuck your mom
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
