Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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