plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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