Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
