Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
