Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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