Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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