thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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