there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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