I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
