Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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