"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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