I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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