Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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