He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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