I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
