Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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