eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
