I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
