You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
