She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Only a mothe r could love this liver
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
