If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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