I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
