Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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