the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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