Tell her she can't have a vagina
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize