dude i'm inner monologue high
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
