And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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