mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
