im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
