real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
