you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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