nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
